There’s a line some cops often say about criminals: “If they weren’t dumb, we wouldn’t catch them.”
Even the smart criminals are caught in many cases, but occasionally we get a story about an exceptionally stupid criminal — or alleged criminal — whose antics make you wonder if they’re just slow or poor planners (or both).
Here’s a list of some of the most bizarre criminals and alleged criminals from 2009, compiled by the seattlepi.com crime and justice team.
‘When I smoke crack, I always take my pants off’
Police had been called to the South Dearborn Street lot just after 8:15 p.m. on April 8 after a woman traveling with her children was approached by the partially nude man, Robert Cardiel.
The woman told police she saw Cardiel wandering the lot, looking into parked cars before he turned and approached the woman’s vehicle to ask for a lighter. Rebuffed by the woman, Cardiel drove from the scene. Police found his car on a nearby street, then located Cardiel hiding in a parking lot.
“When I smoke crack,” Cardiel allegedly told police, “I always take off my pants.”
Until his admission, police didn’t know he’d been using crack.
Earlier this year, King County prosecutors filed felony indecent exposure charges against Cardiel. In addition to numerous other criminal convictions, Cardiel has been twice convicted of crimes related to indecent exposure.
He was found guilty in July of indecent exposure and was sentenced to 15 months in Department of Corrections custody with 56 days credit served, according to court documents.
No word on whether he liked the bright orange jail pants.
Alleged bank robber wears his name on his sweatshirt
Prosecutors say there were a few things in common with three armed robberies committed by Casey Shane Printz: He passed an air-soft gun as a real one, he demanded quickly and quietly.
And he wore a gray sweatshirt with his name on the front.
Police recovered survailance images from the KeyBank at Northgate Mall and the University District Wells Fargo, which they say Printz robbed earlier this month. His third count of first-degree robbery was for an alleged holdup of the Mrs. Cook’s store at University Village.
Printz was arrested at the Wallingford Inn, and he allegedly told police he was robbing people to feed his $70 per day heroin habit. Court documents show he confessed to the all three robberies, and was found with evidence of the crimes.
Force not with Star Wars fan nabbed speeding for eBay bid
This case isn’t so much dumb as it is pathetic.
In March, a State Patrol trooper stopped a man for speeding on Interstate 90. The driver said he was racing home to place a bid on eBay.
The man didn’t say what he was bidding on, “but it was unbelievable how much Star Wars memorabilia he had in his car,” Trooper Dan McDonald said at the time.
The age of the Fall City man, who troopers say was going 110 mph? 46.
No word on whether he lives with his parents.
The trooper who stopped him first clocked him at 100 mph going eastbound on I-90 floating bridge, McDonald said. He got the faster reading after following him.
Here’s the part that wouldn’t impress Princess Leia: Instead of being released to go bid on eBay, the man was arrested for investigation of reckless driving — a misdemeanor that sent him to King County Jail. And his car was impounded.
So what happened to the Star Wars gear packed into his 2004 Volkswagen?
“It was inventoried and stayed with the car,” McDonald said. “He was released from jail about 12:30 (p.m. Tuesday) and could go pick up his items then.”
Police: Drunk ‘ninja’ impaled on First Hill fence post
This guy wasn’t a criminal – just drunk and stupid, police said. And his case is too good not to put on this best-of list.
Last month, a man believing himself to be a ninja impaling himself on a First Hill fence post.
The man’s ninja skills, it seems, were bested by the 4- to 5-foot-tall fence he attempted to vault, according to the police statement. He ended up stuck on a spike atop the fence in the 600 block of Seventh Avenue.
After an officer in the area heard the man’s screams and located him at about 11:15 p.m., Seattle Fire Department personnel freed the man. They took him to Harborview Medical Center, where officers attempted to ascertain exactly what the would-be silent assassin was up to.
Man calls 911 after truck allegedly stolen ran out of gas
Monday afternoon, a 19-year-old Tacoma man called 911 to report the vehicle he stole ran out of gas on state Route 167.
Really.
About 12:30 p.m., a man reported seeing a silver 1985 Chevy Truck on southbound 167 that had been stolen from the Sumber city transfer station that morning.
The 19-year-old alleged truck thief tried — and failed — to disguise himself as a transfer station worker by wearing a fluorescent green reflective vest he found in the truck.
Here’s the kicker: The trooper said the truck didn’t really run out of gas.
“The truck became disabled after (the man) filled the tank with unleaded when the truck required diesel,” Trooper Dan McDonald said.
The man was booked into King County Jail for auto theft.
Police: Drunk, half-naked woman crashes car into pole, downs power lines
A woman suspected of drunken driving this fall hit a power pole on Aurora Avenue North, sending electrical lines across the street and closing the road.
The kicker: She was naked from the waist down, according to police.
It wasn’t clear why the woman was naked, and investigators said they said they found neither pants nor underwear.
The woman apparently lost control of her car about 10 p.m. driving south on Aurora. Her car spun around and hit the pole behind the driver’s side door, and stopped facing northbound on the sidewalk.
Officers took her to Harborview Medical Center, where investigators said he blood was taken for analysis.
About a week after the incident, a woman claiming to be the driver e-mailed seattlepi.com.
The article was offensive, she said, and “some people just choose not to wear underwear.”
drunk driver sideswiped Cpl. Szuba’s cruiser. Corporal Szuba was en route to assist in the pursuit when the drunk driver crossed the center line. 
